This is a letter of catharsis. I need to get this out of my brain in a way that can be understood. I wish that I could send this to my Ex. But I’m sure he would not understand.
I’m leaving you because there is no love left in my heart for you. I will try to explain why I simply will not put up with you any longer. Knowing that you won’t read this is helpful in that I do not have to mince my words.
The biggest issue I have with you is your lack of motivation. You spend the majority of your life sitting on the couch watching TV. It seems like the TV is your girlfriend. You spend much more time with her than you ever have with me. Because of this time you spend sitting down, so many things in your life get missed. You don’t even keep up with the toddler because you are too busy. Meanwhile she is trashing the house.
Perhaps you just don’t care about finishing projects or completing tasks. You don’t care if the house is a mess, if the yard is a mess, if your Daughter’s room is nasty with food on the walls. You haven’t cleaned a bathroom in the 7 months we’ve lived at the new house. You have not begun to look for another job since I told you we were over. You find the easy way out. No wonder you enjoyed me caring for you so much.
My own Mother has seen how lazy you are and does not like you. My close friends have asked how we ended up together in the first place. They cannot see why were together at all.
You enjoy me taking care of you. I paid for your phone, your gym, your groceries, your utilities, your dinners. I am absolutely sick and tired of thinking that I have to be responsible for your needs. You are sad that we are breaking up but a part of me thinks you are grieving the loss of the woman who made your life really comfortable.
You were not trying to endear yourself to me before I told you that I was leaving. Now you are moping about and trying to win my affection. How does that even make sense? Where were you when I needed the affection and care? You were good with letting me sleep in. That was nice but that’s not enough to sustain a long-term relationship.
You weren’t parenting you other Daughter. I was made for the first two years to think that I thought I had to watch her. Of course her and I never got along. My anger towards you and the miserable relationship we shared was directed at her. You do not follow up with her like you should. You have been taking responsibility for her and that has helped my stress level immensely. I am now allowing myself to feel the anger towards you that I had long hidden, thinking that I had to please you and make you happy. Horribly wrong.
You lie and argue. You have a tendency to throw up an emotional brick wall in front of me when I try to discuss things, give you constructive criticism or ask you to do something around the house. Far be it from me to ask you to actually get your ass up off the couch!! I have caught you in lies and half-truths many times. I know that you’ve had the opportunity to tell me things I’ve said that you know I won’t remember. You downplay things I say and argue with me even about mundane things that are of no consequence. How do you think that can ease communication? It doesn’t!!!!!!
You are old, fat and your apparatus doesn’t work. You would only maybe sleep with me once a week. After I told you I was leaving you made an effort. Sad. I will not miss trying to be intimate with someone that I’m not attracted to. I am so looking forward to actually finding true passion in my life.
I often wondered why with all the time you had before he met me to further his education or career goals. But now that I know what a lazy ass you are, it makes perfect sense. You have no ambition. Like his stupid wife says, he’ll go where the money is. And he went straight for me. There’s a term for people like you “country trash”
My grandmother asked why I was leaving you. I told her about you and that I had been trying to make this work for over 2 years. She instantly stopped asking me questions when she knew that I had tried. And she is a woman that is all about staying in it for the children.
You can be most antisocial, racist and uncaring . You actions towards me and the world do not show love. People that love their partners do kind things for them and endear their lovers. You have failed to keep me as happy as I deserve.
Love is an action word and if someone is not able to show their love then they probably don’t love you like you deserve. When you love someone, you make an effort to show they that you love them so that there is no question in their minds. They are likely just dependent on you. Dependence is not love, its just plain sick. You will no fool me into thinking that you need my help and you can’t live without me. My dear friends had to help me see that I needed to be rid of you. I was so dependent
You don’t have insurance, you haven’t divorced your stupid wife, you’ve driven around with Uber and Lyft without car insurance. You haven’t done your taxes in the 3 years I’ve been with you. You say you will do something and then you never do. I refuse to put up with this anymore. I am so happy to wash my hands of you.
I have tried and tried and have no try left in me. I have become responsible for you. I somehow know that the opportunist in you cooked this up knowing that when we met I was vulnerable and weak minded. You arrogant prick. Now you’re trying to give me gifts and try to make you feel sorry for me. Well, guess what? Not happening today.
I cannot wait until you are out of MY house and out of my life. I will likely have to remind you to stay out of my business. You thought I was your girl but you don’t know what happened in Atlanta.
thank you for reading, I needed to get this out.
Evidence of further codependency:
Do you see how this was all about him? I clearly was not ready to look at my part in this. But I will say that through all this I have worked through my resentment towards him. I was very stuck in the past and all the inventory of wrongs on him that I’d been collecting. I was angry that the past had happened instead of accepting it and moving forward. We agreed to stay in the present and deal with things as they come. I was honest with him that I had been hiding things and not being honest with him. He listened well and heard me out. It felt so good to talk things out and talk through my feelings.
And somehow we are on good terms. Its just the process of letting go that takes time and varied emotions. I could not have believed that He and I would be on good terms. He must have worked his magic mojo on me or something. We’ve been enjoying each other’s company and are back to being amicable friends. I can’t hardly believe it.
I’m so grateful for self-discovery and the process of the program. I’m grateful that He is working his program and allowing me to move on with my life. It ought to be interesting to see what kind of woman he digs up later down the line. Ha!
So when we were enjoying our time together I was sleeping with him again. He got me roped back in. It has taken months to separate my emotions. He now lives downstairs and pays utilities. He knows he is still on point to leave
And with all said and done I have forgiven this man and he is staying. I do not have the same love for him but I do care for him. I had to separate myself from him and I have done this. Perhaps when our child is older I can walk away. I’m glad to have him now to help with her.
The above comments were just a horrible symptom of abuse and codependency. I had given in but I was never happy. He would not leave and I became weak and let him stay. He was not paying utilities and now they are all over 2 months past due. He finally began to give me money each week when I asked him but that was only for about 3 weeks.
I have gotten him out of my home. It took many months and lots of support but I’ve done it. I can now breathe. I didn’t know how much pressure and stress I was under. I had no idea how horrible my living situation had become. I had become accustomed to living with an abusive man. Clearly he was a threat if it took so long to get him out.
He cried to the judge that he had nowhere else to live, was homeless and bouncing from couch to couch. The judge told him that he was going to have to keep bouncing. He literally was asking the judge to come back to my house, even after the lawyer had announced that the landlord had served eviction. CRAZY!
So fucking glad this is now over. Here’s the kicker: He filed custody papers and is now going to have to pay me! If he hadn’t filed, he wouldn’t have had to pay me much at all. He doesn’t have the money anyways. Oh this is all hilarious.